We have all had a moment where a second in life proves to be our last straw. When we are laying there at night, contemplating all that we could have done, the overwhelming guilt, the unhappiness in our situation, never allowing us to sleep.
Mine was my weight and last night was my last straw. January had been a crazy month and my goal of losing weight before graduation seemed further out of reach. Last night I was at my school, streaming a basketball game. I couldn’t help but see the overwhelming slim people that are notorious in my small town of Jackson. It’s always been a struggle for me. After I was done, I went to bed asking if I would never win this fight. Would I ever be what I wanted to be? Would I ever be able to stop fighting or is this going to be a lifelong struggle?
When I first moved to Wyoming, I got mono for half a year which allowed me to lose a ton of weight. Before, when I lived in Oregon, I was a little chubby and slowing growing each year. So when I lost 20 pounds, it was a crazy new world for me. I was suddenly shopping in the smaller sizes, wearing (and looking good in) shorts, and very conscience of the fact that I wasn’t spilling out of my skinny jeans. In fact, my skinny jeans were loose. It was a whole different side of the world that I never thought I would see. I could finally flaunt comfortably what I had. Unfortunately, since it was a result of being sick, I was never allowed to enjoy it. The majority of my family always had something to say about how it looked unnatural. It deadened me to how happy I was about being slim. Funny how I couldn’t feel comfortable being in my overweight body but couldn’t be content with being slim.
The sickness finally started to leave my system when summer rolled around. I started taking my slimmed down figure for granted and ate whatever I want. The thought that I might gain it all back didn’t cross my mind. Or I just tried to ignore it because I hated working out.
When the new school year rolled around, I had pretty much gained it all back. Suddenly, I had to face the fact that I wasn’t as slim as I was before. I started doing some hardcore research on how to lose it while teaching myself the discipline that I didn’t have over the summer. I worked out and ate right. I kept track of my calories (app: MyFitnessPal) and slowly started losing it. I had lost a little more than five pounds. I knew that I would never be as skinny as I had been before this because I wasn’t willing to work to that extreme. But I was willing to do what it took to lose half of what I regained.
Then the holidays rolled around and everyone knows how that goes. I gained all of my 4 months work. Now that February has finally rolled around, I decided that I was fed up with my lack of discipline. It was time to put my foot down with my own body. This isn’t just another sad teenage story about obsessing over my weight. This is me taking control over my circumstances instead of just whining about it.
Saying this, the one important thing I’ve learned to weight loss is keeping myself accountable. I have heard this over and over again but it cannot be more true. I will keep myself accountable through my blog. I will blog all my successes, my failures, and determination. Being human, it’s always nice to know that somebody knows that you’re making an effort to change your situation.
So here we go.
Today’s Weight: 150
Goal: 140 by May 30th
I have 16 weeks to do this. See ya guys on the other side.